New Element Discovered

[reggae]

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it
does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111
assistant vice-neutrons, for an atomic number of 312. The 312
particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can
be detected chemicallly, as it impedes every action with which it comes
in contact. According to the discoverers, one reaction that normally
requires less than one second was extended to four days by the
presence of a minute amount of Administratium.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, at
which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant
vice-neutrons exchange places. Some studies suggest that its atomic mass
actually increases in each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain
points, such as government agencies, large corporations, and
universities, and can usually be found in the newest, best appointed,
and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive
reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to
determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible
damage, but results to date are not promising.