What if Food was Dirty and Sex was Clean

[mariposa]

What If Food Was Dirty And Sex Was Clean? (you mean it's not??)

When you think of it, there are only two things people need. You got
to have sex. You got to have food. That's it. You don't need
clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it's sex
and food. But for some reason, some people think sex is dirty. Maybe
God was a Republican. Somebody said, "All right, you want to
propagate, go ahead, but only late at night, with all the doors
closed, man on top, once a week, that's it." But not only can you eat
the charred decaying flesh of other major mammals, you can do it in
broad daylight and invite all your friends to watch: "Hey, Chuck, why
don't you come over on Sunday? We're going to kill a pig, cut him up,
burn him, and eat him. Bring the kids, have a hell of a time."

What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple
twist of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture
would change. Food would become a four-letter word.

When people got angry at you, they'd yell out "Oh yeah? Well, food
you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper." Punks in passing cars would
flip you the fork. Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their
chests. "Ohmigod. It's a pepperoni." Locker room talk would change.
"Hey, man, how'd you do this weekend?" "Two burgers and a bag of
fries. Crinkle cut." Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states.
Supermarkets would check I.D.'s and charge admission to the poultry
section. Frederick's of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and
day-of-the-week paper plates. Foreplay would be listed as a menu
selection. Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues.
"All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the buns,
mister." Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a
lot of them would move to the Bay Area. Hookers would become cooks.
You'd be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo
aprons. "Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some
crab?" Fudamental Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious
tenet. Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.
Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or
they'll go blind. Kids would remember the first time their mother
caught them marinating.